Want more people in your life, but too scared to get out there? Step into my dojo.

Don’t Jump Through Hoops

People can be cruel. They will bring you close because they know you will bend over backwards for them whenever they ask for something. I’m here to warn you about those people. I was once one of those individuals that would be the “nice guy” and have no problem picking up things, picking up people, buying little things, etc. It honestly will start to get annoying, and you realize that you are not making good friends out of this.

Now, I might be speaking about your long term friends, people you hang out with religiously, but the advice can work on people you just meet as well. It could be the smallest thing in the world you don’t even notice. Always remember when you meet someone for the first time, there are a mini series of tests people, including yourself, are going to do to see how far you will go for someone for their attention. It could be the simplest question too, like “how old are you?” If someone asks you that, and you answer quickly, “I’m 21,” you are jumping through their hoops. Next question could be “can you buy me a drink?” or “can you watch my table man?”

Guys and girls do it alike. Girls just do it more, don’t believe me? Next time you approach a girl, ask her about the “no wallet game” somewhere in the conversation. I have had a lot of girls tell they would go out with the girlfriends without their wallet, and get all the drinks they want from guys. They make them jump through hoops and guys fall for it, making us think we might have a chance and be rewarded from buying that drink. You should never have to buy a girl a drink, or at least at the beginning. If you guys are having a real conversation, a spark is really flickering between you two, then it is ok. Sometimes, the girl will get you a drink; it’s a nice feeling switching the tables sometimes.

 

Still confused? Here’s an example:

I walk up to a girl (doesn’t always have to be a girl, but I have enough guy friends), and I start a conversation. It is a good couple minutes, talking about whatever, I am making her laugh and she is shoving me playfully showing interest (we will talk more about that another time). She then tries to make me jump through her hoops.

“How old are you?” she asks.

I reply, “Guess,” trying to make it a game.

If she tried to end it right away, “I don’t want to guess,” she wasn’t interested in talking to me; she was just entertaining me trying to get something out of me. Exotic dancers are very good at this.

Now, if she said a number, I got her jumping through my hoops. The difference between me and her is, I’m not testing her. If anything, I’m passing her test. I’m taking control of the conversation which is what most girls want in a guy correct?

What if it was reversed?

I ask, “How old are you?”

“Guess,” she says. I can either jump through her hoop and say a number, or take control.

“You want me to guess high or low?” I ask.

I just countered her question.

Now I know what some of you are thinking; I am thinking too hard into this, but when you talk to a stranger 80 percent of the time they will want to see what they can get out of you. You approach them; you might seem weak like you don’t have many friends and trying to make more. So they will pounce on that, “Get me something, pick me up later, show my friends that voice you just did, that trick you just did, be my dancing monkey.” Trust me you don’t want to be that person.

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