Now you have mastered your nerves, and found a comfortable place to call your own. It is now time to get out there and start meeting some strangers. You probably have already tried meeting some, but they have been quick with you, or perhaps seemed just as nervous as you did. Why did the conversation end so early? Why did they only answer yes or no? I know they were not busy, but why did they say they had to go? These will come up sometimes when making the approach and the reason may be because you were not approachable to begin with. Think about this: If someone ever approached you, did you sense that they were nervous? Or perhaps you felt they were coming on too strong? People, when interacting with one another, can feel each others’ body language through simple signs how you they stand, move, and look through facial expressions. There are some easy ways to make you seem more interesting just by shifting a few things:
- Do not slouch. If your shoulders are shrugged, your poster puts you into a downward motion set in front of you. Almost like you are walking and trying to curl into a ball at the same time. Some people will see you as lonely and unapproachable. Keep your head up, your hands to your side, and chest high. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but a straighter stance will show off more confidence and high value.
- Have a big smile; it is that easy. Whenever entering an area or a group of people always have a nice smile on your face. Nobody wants to talk to a person who looks like they are having miserable day. Even if it is not your day, but feel compelled to talk to some new people, put on a fake smile. If you have a smile, I promise at least one person will smile back. They are contagious, and most people can’t resist smiling to a smile.
- Try not to hold something in front of you or play with it during a conversation. For example, you are at a coffee shop and you just received your drink. You see someone in line and begin talking to him/her. You probably do not notice, but you might be playing with your straw or rubbing your finger across the rim of the cup as you talk. That can be a sign of nervousness; that person probably sees you as unconfident and unworthy. Also, simply holding a drink in front of you is not a good idea. When it is close to your mouth you will be tempted to drink from it periodically in the conversation. Just hold it to the side, and try not to interrupt the conversation so much by taking a sip.
- When approaching a person or group, do not approach head-on. In other words, do not straightly walk up and say hi. That person does not know you, and they will put up a shield when they know someone is deliberately coming towards them. Walk near them and open up with your shoulder to them. Turn your head over your shoulder and begin talking. This will make it seem like you suddenly noticed them, and you are not staying. With just this stance, people will be more open, and their guards will be down.
- During the conversation, look at that person in the eyes. That person will most likely be looking at your eyes through the entire conversation. If you start to wonder around while he/she is talking you will seem uninterested in that person. You will score major cool points by just keeping a strong eye contact.
- If you are still nervous about what to say, just simply open by saying hi. This is only the beginning of bettering yourself so it is alright not to have a conversation yet. Walk up to a person or group and say hi. Ask if they are having a good day, they will respond and you say, “Good to hear,” and walk away. Get the feeling of approaching, and knowing what it is like to simply speak to a stranger. Just by opening up will slowly take away the fear and give you a comfort zone. If you are still too nervous to say anything, give them a high five or give them cheers with your drink. Walk up, and “tink” their glass; I’m serious, it works. Do no forget to smile.
My personal experience:
I recently got access to VIP at Club Myst in Scottsdale. When I first got there nobody has shown up yet. My friends and I made this the opportunity to look around and get a feel for the place. An hour has gone by and the dance floor began to fill up. I was in my VIP section, the white room, and notice some people that seemed to be having a good time. I walked by with my head high, drink to the side, and had a comforting smile; I made it seem like I noticed them in the corner of my eye, and approached them to the side. The seats were low, so I had to bend down to talk.
“It seems like there is a second party going on in this corner,” I said. A girl next to me gave me a smile because I was smiling the entire time I was looking at her.
“Are you having a good time?” I asked.
She responded, “I am having the best time!”
I raised my glass towards her and she tinked it, giving me a cheers.
“It was a lot of fun meeting you,” I told her and walked away.
Another girl was in the middle of the VIP by the private bar, dancing by herself. Noticing that, I could tell she was going to have fun no matter where she is. I walked next to her and gave her a high five. She started to giggle and asked for my name. I offered her a drink and she offered me a seat at her section. We talked for a little while, went to the dance floor, tinked glasses, and I walked off.
I did not approach anyone else the rest of the night. I did not feel strong enough to continue on approaching and cheering everyone with my drink. However, I still had an amazing time with my friends in VIP and dancing all night. Yes…I dance.